I can right you up one! LOL.LOL it might be a little rough around the edges but it should be good for a laugh or two!.. :wink:

Seriously thou.. :angel:

Two little words

PROOF READ!

Get it read by a lot of people and get their comments before the final copy goes out!..:yes:

Best of luck Sir..

im going to get it done this weekend and ill post it up in here.

im thinking of 2 things.

trip to europe or
how uofa can help me in the future.

im thinking about going with the second one since i KNOW i can easily BS 4-500 words.

You need a real tear jerker, MIne I told about how my mother was mentally ill and put in a hospital when i was 15 and my father worked in Japan 6 months out of the year, and I had to raise my twin sisters who were 2 years younger than me, feed them make sure they learned real world values, and they eneded up with straight As and I had lesser grades as I bore the brunt of the burden.

My Girlfriend at the time wrote about how when she was 12 she had to escape from Iram because the Shah had taken over and threw her familky out of their home on the street to make their home one of the Shahs brothers homes and they had to escape to America by hiding in the trunks of taxis and running through the airport and how she loves America and wants to embrace all it has to offer.

12% of all of that combined is true.....Lie Lie Lie and kiss ass

The Line.. "I want to attend your college to better myself as a person, not to make more money in the long run".. or something a bit more eloquent, came from my fathers Harvard Business School letter I read, so I threw that on mine since he got in and hes a friggin genius

Make up a snivelling story and sell it about how it made you the upstanding man you are today who deserves to be in the skulls and drive a porsche LOL

HERE IT ISS!!!!!!!!!!!! phase 1
 

ever since i was a little kid i remember always loving to play with electronics and some type of gadget or device. You would not see me playing with toy soldiers or mini Trex's; No i was the boy who wanted to learn how the remote to the television worked. I'm not sure what it was, but buttons, lights, just anything electric fascinated me.

Once i grew up a little and understood the basics of computers or any type of electronical equipment if we had a problem with one of them my mom would ask me to look at it first before calling a specialist. This was when i was only 10 so i really couldn't fix much, but i always tried my hardest and sometimes i even succeeded my mission.

I remember the first thing i ever fixed was my old school Brick of a gameboy. The screen would not turn on and i did not understand why. Normally you would put new batteries in it and if it did not work... well then you'd trash it, but no, i wanted to fix it. I took the whole thing apart and looked inside. my eyes lit up with joy as i saw the green board and all of its components. Of course i had no idea what i was doing so i just started touching everything trying to see if something was loose. i happened to find one tiny wire that was a little out of place; i snapped it back into what i thought was the right hole and put the gameboy back together. IT WORKED! the screen went on and everything was in perfect working order. Who knows if i really did anything to fix it, but at the age of 10 i was the happiest kid on the planet.

Nowadays i have bigger tasks. When something goes wrong with the television, computer, microwave, toaster, or anything you could think of i am there to try and figure out the problem. Ive been able to successfully fix basically anything that comes my way and i am always excited when i get new challenges.

For the past few years ive been thinking about college a lot and the one thing that sticks out in my mind is engineering. I know that the University of Arizona has an amazing engineering program, and that is my sole purpose of applying to this college. There were many others that i have looked into, but ive done more than enough research to find that this is definitely the best school for me. With the amazing weather and town who would not want to attend this college. I know that if i Go to UofA i will graduate in the top of the engineering field because i have always been very determined to be the best that i can be. My motto is go big or go home, and i never go home. I hope to be accepted into this college so i can attend it in the fall 09 semester.


here is a mock up i decided to write right now... its about 500 words and obvisouly needs some work but i think its a start.

definetly not a tear jerker like jayjay had said.... but it is somewhat interesting i think?

ANY type of help is appreciated.

i agree with writing about the Europe trip. your really just showing them your a person who can articulate ideas. talk about the culture differences and how nice people from other countries can be (except in Paris) or even how crazy they drive in most of Europe

don't be afraid to be kinda cheesy (make movie moments that warm the heart) lol :lol: seriously it will work

damn you posted as i was typing electronics work too

pretty good, your thesis staement is at the end it seems .. id go, ( im not English major by any means just my 2 cents)

For the past few years ive been thinking about college a lot and the one thing that sticks out in my mind is engineering. ever since i was a little kid i remember always loving to play with electronics and some type of gadget or device. You would not see me playing with toy soldiers or mini Trex's; No i was the boy who wanted to learn how the remote to the television worked. I'm not sure what it was, but buttons, lights, just anything electric fascinated me.



and I do agree maybe something more pertinent to your recent growth as an individual ( I have the memory or a turd but remember some great eurpoe pictures you took)



cheesy is key, most people who work at colleges ( no offence) are liberal oddballs who are stuck dealing with after teen crisis kids scared to face reality and are messed up, just want to know you have your head on straight

BTW I had a nun write my recommendation letter, sweet touch

I think you will do just fine whatever you write. How many people do they reject? The bottom 10 percent of glass lickers. Your gpa and your ability to articulate tell me that whatever you write will be enough to get you in, and when they realize you have money to pay them you are definately in. (it is a business, after all) That being said, having proof read your first draft, I don't think you have to worry about it. Oh, and the punctuation for your motto should look like this: My motto is, "go big, or go home, and I never go home". Good luck man.

you both are right.

that thesis statement is much better than mine.

and if i keep the sentence about my motto in there ill edit it. im not sure if im going to leave it in there as it is sort of outta context id say...

thanks for the help! keep the editing coming!

Looking good!