Video game addiction is very real. I was addicted to video games since the 6th or seventh grade until the end of High School. Biggest regret in my life is wasting my time on that stuff. In High School, it was World of Warcraft and wow, what a waste of time that was. I'd play it 12-18 hours a day and it was a very real problem. Video games can be an addiction just like drugs and alcohol can be, minus the physical aspect of it. I finally smartened up, got a girlfriend, and no more video games for me. If, for every hour I played a video game I had a dollar, I'd have an extra 15-20 grand sitting around. Wouldn't that be nice?

And I've never bought anything from Walmart, but I know target and Gamestop enforce the ESRB rating around where I live. Also, on the ratings, it says something like "online experience may vary", but I think that should change to "Online experience may not be appropriate for those under the age of 18", because even E rated games can be VERY mature online due to the fowl language used by other players.

So do you have bad parents?

I typed out a long response about my childhood, but I figured I would just say this.
Yes, have bad parents, but I don't hold it against them.

Hmm - that's not the angle I was hoping for! Sorry to hear that though.

Haha yeah I figured, it's all good though.

Finished..
Not exactly how I wanted it to go, but, it's alright..
Probably trash in some eyes...
I had to really dumb it down, and repeat things to meet some requirements my teacher wanted me to hit..

C&C?
Link:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4338252/Pers...ssignment.docx

Unfortunately I wasn't able to hit a lot of your guy's ideas (believe me, I tried, I made a huge outline based off of it..) but it was mainly because I had so many statistics and info, I wasn't able to properly link all of them (definitely going to take out some info and expand and link all the ideas posted together... I'll be doing that this week when we are allowed to change up our draft. One of the biggest problems of that draft is that I squeezed so much information into a few paragraphs, it messed things up. ( my first speech research essay so I was tryin to follow an outline...

Oh well.
Could use some advice of placement and others....
Thanks guys!
It was a real help (and hopefully will still be) !

Just some C&C for you since you asked. I'm not a writer nor an English teacher, so take these with a grain of salt if you wish. :oops:

I would suggest you add in quotes for Dr. Lorenza Colzato's and Darcia Narvaez's studies, helps substantiate your claim and teachers usually love quotes (unless your teacher instructed you otherwise).
As for the studies of 22 teenage gamers at the bottom of page 2, maybe cite the actual study or the specific researcher/research group to give it more credibility.
On the last paragraph on pg 3, you might want to rephrase it say that video games cause heightened reaction in another way, rather than saying that without video games we won't have those heightened reactions; as sports and a host of other activities increase awareness and reaction time as well.
And finally at the end of page 4, you may want to show an example or supporting evidence that taxes will raise, as it is somewhat unsubstantiated in your essay.

Good job on the essay though, I would just suggest to add in hard evidence via quotes and specific studies to strengthen your argument. The more fact you have behind your argument, the better the essay. I don't know how your teacher grades, but you also may want to go through (slowly) and fix a few grammatical errors throughout the essay, as it might save you a few points (or maybe more depending on how much they like grammar). I can proofread it for you and send you a copy if you'd like me to, but there weren't really that many.

Again, I'm no English teacher, just my thoughts. :yes: Good luck with it!

Edit: Also, one thing I didn't touch on, you may want to try to split up your paragraphs even more in order to separate your arguments from each other.

I don't know abou quotes but he specifically said not to cite sources but instead say "According to.." etc.

You know I didn't think about other things that would also heighten these abilities, but now I know! Sweet.

I will definitely add some more hard examples and facts..

As far as the grammatical things goes, I usually have quite a bit in m papers when I'm thinking on a track, I just can't complete a word (I said person, not personal, etc) as I just keep continuing my thought.
I usually reread it a few times before submitting it or printing it but I'll be doing that tomorrow, so...

If it's no trouble, it's be very useful to get another copy!

Ah yes, I was debating whether I would segment it up, however I wasn't sure if myteacher wanted a strict 5 paragraphs or if I could split them up into segments... One of the things I was going to ask him tomorrow :D

Thanks again for the advice!

Agree
 

I agree with the points he made as well. I forget who it was, but the last guy we helped a couple of months ago with his essay won some kind of monitary award. Granted it was still his writeup, but we helped him tweek it here and there until it flowed a little bit smoother, and the errors were dropped. I don't really have the time on this one to read through the whole thing and make adjustments myself. Sorry.

There are a few guys in here who could surely add some support to your efforts without rewriting the whole report. Like stated keep each paragraph on one argument and start another one for the next subject matter. Good luck with your reporting.

Respectfully, Jerry Seoul, Korea.

PS: oh and don't forget to come back in here and let everyone know how it worked out for you.

No worries, I get the same way sometimes as well when writing papers. You want to keep going on with your thought before you lose it!

I will get to completely proofreading it tomorrow night if that is ok, it's 1am here and I'm too tired to be of much help right now :lol:

No worries guys, no need to rush; this was only a draft we had to turn in today, the real speech comes next week :oh:

BTW, I do believe that was tmaxxracer?
I remember a red avatar...
:lol:

Remember if debating, the best way is to learn to win both arguments. That way, you are ready for what the other side will use and can point out the flaws. If this is just a speech, obviously not as important but I would think addressing some of the opposing view's claims and countering them would be helpful still. It shows you really studied the issue to come to a reasonable conclusion versus just taking the side you liked best.

No offense but you might as well start now while you have a good argumentative research paper to use it on. Look up MLA style and get to citing everything. The more you practice this at your age the easier it will come when in college and your professor will basically fail you for voicing any sort of opinion. Shame that in college, it is not what you know, since your too young and inexperienced to know anything says most college professors, it is what you can prove that you read on the subject that truly makes you intelligent in college.

If the teacher says otherwise well than go ahead. I would call that teacher out on his lack of preparation for his students for the years to come, but that is just me. I had no proper training or insight to citing text, I took a lot of creating writing classes in High School. Oops, should have took a regular formal class to prep for the wasteful crap I had to write in college.

Enjoy your opinion while you still have the ability to write it.

Back on topic. Sorry!

Well, talked to my teacher; he's really lookin for 4.5 or so, no more than 5 minutes, max..

I guess I've got a good page and a half to cut.
As far as citations go, it felt really weird to just repeat "according to" a zillion times without citations.

He's had us cite like crazy in our last two papers, and everybody was stunned when he specifically asked for no citations this time...
Oh well

Which means I'm gonna be linking a ton of the opinions, and removing some stats..

He doesn't want a hard copy, the only copy of the speech he wants is the verbal..

Sounds like he is testing your abilities a little deeper by changing things up. This is a good thing as you will need this ability to adapt and change very much through out your life.