Random question about friends and girls.
 

Alright, some of you might recall about my prom advice thread or whatever. Anyway I went to prom with her and now we are going out but one of my best friends is doing some weird stuff (well, weird to me, at least). I'm not sure whether I'm overreacting and being oversensitive cause she's my first girl or whatever but then again he's doing some weird crap. Like, he texts her all day long, wants to take her to the movies (alone), wants to take her to anime expo, and other crap (again, alone). One of the english teachers at school handed students a list of things to do on a date, and he wants to take her to one of those places.

I've mentioned it a bit to him and he doesn't seem to understand what he is doing and why I'm seeing it as weird, instead he gives half assed excuses and then gets all riled up and calls me defensive.

Am I being oversensitive or is he doing weird crap?

I'm only asking on here cause third party opinions are very helpful.

Interesting situation. When I was in high school I had a friend who would always try to steal whoever I was going out with. He never could, but he always tried. It was pretty annoying. He'd never admit to it either, but it was more than obvious to everyone else.

In my situation, I just laughed it off because the girls would say no to him. Does your girl want to do all the stuff he wants her to do? If so, you might just let her and move on.

Good luck!

-Happily Married in Mapleton

Young
 

Look you are obviously a very young man who has a lot of life to go through. I would ask her straight up how she feels about this guy and about you. You can gage your direction from that. He obviously has no respect for you as your friend, and hence he is not a true friend to you. What he is doing is totally disrespectful and he needs his lights knocked out. If she is important to you then you have to show her how you feel and be honset with her. One thing that took me many years to figure out is that we spend way too much time in the courtship dance trying to feel out situations for the sake of avoiding embarrassment or rejection, but the best way is to just avoid wasting time and communicate directly to the point. you may get shot down, but at least you will not waste any time getting there and you can move on quickly. If you are anything like most of us you will go through many young women along the path of life. We would all love to meet the woman of our dreams and have them at our side throughout life, but that is not the way real life goes. Good luck with that.

From your description he is obviously interested in her whether he denies it or not so there is no point asking him. Talk to the girl.

Was he doing it before you guys were together? In school there were a few girls I was friends with, but it was a strictly friends thing, they had boyfriends and I had a girlfriend but i could still hang out with em separately just like I would any friend.

One thing I have learned about relationships is that you need to be direct. Like everyone else stated go to the girl. See what she wants. IF she is interested in you then plan things from there. If that’s the case a good way to get him to back off is embarrass him in front of your girl. Bring it up and make sure every one including your girl knows what you’re talking about. Embarrassing him will work better than throwing punches. Although I do suggest punches if he doesn't back off. Some guys:whip: just don't get the idea of "my girls taken" and think any girl is free game. Good luck with your first one. They are always a handfull.:whistle:

Get a lathe. More satisfying and cheaper in the long run.
Otherwise Jerry2Kone says sensible things. Respect yourself and the girl. If you lose on that basis you have won.

Yeah, what the other guys said.
Go and talk to your girl about it. If she wants to be together with you, she should turn that other guy down once and for all. And she will, if you mean anything to her and if you tell her that you get annoyed by that other guys behaviour.

He's a little out of order if he knows you are "dating" or like her - certainly not acting as a "best friend" should. Saying that I didn't know my friend and I both liked the same girl.

We started dating on the quiet when he found out there was a little explosion and lets just say it ended up with a fist through a door. Anyway we are still best friends, the girlfriend is my wife and I'm going to his wedding in two weeks...

Have a chat to your "best friend" but generally mates are worth more than girls but he's not much of a mate to do this to you...

I am with the other guys here. the only thing I will add as that you are young with plenty ahead of you. Be honest with both of them and if it doesn't work out for you, move on, there will always be others. The biggest mistake I made in high school was getting too serious with a girl from my sophomore year and dating for 3 years. The problem being is we stayed together just to stay together and I didn't experience the fun side of dating different girls through high school. That is how you start to learn about women, but more about yourself and your likes/dislikes and must haves/can't stands. My real point is don't let yourself get too worked up over it and get burnt out. It's not worth it and there are plenty of great women out there. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are always wondering if the girl is true to you, it's time to move on.

This is excellent advise, problem is a lathe will only give up good machining, nothing else!

Best bet is to ask the girl what she thinks. If she wants to date you, fine, but make it exclusive. No point having "open" relationships. If she wants to hang out, do that, if she wants to have a relationship, do that. Do not bother with the ambiguous open relationship crap. And if the dude is your friend, talk with him. If he gives you BS, just let him know that you will point out any issues you have with him in public, loudly. Embarassing him in public will most likely get the point across. Sounds like a douche bag to me, I hate people like that.

You have good advice there.. ask the girl.. it's only your first.. and probably won't be your last... My brother was lucky, his first girlfriend is his wife... Doesn't happen too often.. Be upfront, and ask where you guys stand.. simple and easy.. but I do like the lathe idea as well...

Linc has a good point about "open" relationships. I have known a lot of people married, dating, exclusive, and otherwise who have tried that and it doesn't work. Even guys that allowed another girl into the relationship then their girl ran off with the other girl.

Always talk and keep it honest.

Girl on girl, gotta love that! I bet they made off with his money too. He really is "living the dream" now!

On the lathe idea: All I'm gonna say that it would most certainly NOT be just as satisfying (OUCH! :wink:), but the part about being cheaper in the long run is certainly true...

I agree pretty much what everyone else is saying. Your "friend" is not a real friend. Time to find a new one. Whether you keep the girl depends on how she responds to your friend's advances...

Don't sound like much of a friend if you already explained how his actions make you feel. A true friend is hard to come by and once you find one it's worth an effort to keep them. If your blessed you may end up with more then one true friend that will always be there for you. He's not the one that will be there in 10 years for you. You should definately have a talk with her. Women have more power to control a situation than meets the eye. Women have started wars and I am sure have stop more then anyone knows. Be honest and up front with her. Worst thing is to hold it in and start acting weird yourself thinking she should now what upseting you. Make her understand how it make you uncomfortable. If she cares enough she will do what it takes to make you feel better. If she doesn't then get out of the relationship while you can. That spells trouble. Be confident, she is with you not him.

All the guys are giving some great advice, but a lathe is not much of replacement when you young. You'll understand how apealing a lathe and a garage is in tweenty years.


They probably ran off with the money and the lathe!

There's only one solution!

Click Here

Skellyo- I got a present for you... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Somehow I don't think she would appreciate a gift like that! At least not on the (third?) date! :rofl:

IMO, you need to talk to your freind (and the girl 2nd.)

You all are young (not an insult, just the way it is.) God knows what he is doing, maybe he doesn't even know. You talked to him, but you sounded like you were beating around the bush and being passive aggresive.

Be direct, firm and undeterred. Violence is immature, counter-productive and usually self-destructive, and may likely end the friendship. Tell him directly his actions toward her are inappropriate and are personally disrespectful to you. If he continues it, you will consider it a personal insult, and will be treated as such. That all you have to say. Leave the ball in his court and see what kind of friend he really is. Be sure to talk to him in person and have to look you in the eye.

His arguements back about you being defensive are from a position of weakness. He knows he's wrong, but is trying to undermine you mentally. Don't fall for it. If you are confident, brief and direct, you will dominate him mentally, he will feel like the DBag, and should backoff. You don't need to throw punches when mental clubs are so much more effective and long lasting. He needs a smack in the face, but a pat on the back too. EG. Suggest some other girls he should be BFFs with, just not yours. Maybe he doesn't know too many women (or just too inexperienced or shy,) but he should find another one to playdate. Redirect him by helping him find another. If done effectively he will repect, admire and defer to you. I would say its best to handle it privately and discretely to be most effective. If you embarass him publically he will be angry and resentful and may just try to undermine you more (and will burn the friendship.) The girl may also think you are a psycho...see below. Demanding respect requires you are willing to give it too. He'll appreciate your discretion later, and further proves to him your moral and mental superiority.

As far as the girl goes.... girls can be scared off pretty easy at that age (really any... but more so young) if you start acting possessive and controlling. A lot of sh!tty BFs go this way bc they do not know how to talk to and handle women. Plus, are you guys just dating for a little while? Sounds like it. If you start asking her 20 questions, and start looking like you are dictating who she can be friends with and what she can do, she will recoil fast if she's got any self-esteem. Just be cool and confident about it with her and handle your business w/ the friend off on the side. I would at most ask her "what's up w/ you and XXX?" [Perhaps I would throw in a "I would have liked to go to _____ ." to soften it a bit and add some guilt.] I'd accept what ever answer she gave (apart from "we're banging") w/o comment. All she needs to know at this point is that you noticed the situation. Leave it and deal with the friend and see how that shakes out for now. Just from that she may feel a bit guilty and back herself off as well.
Just be cool and don't overreact and you'll come out on top. At worst there are always other women. Don't be a psycho and chase them away bc you handled this situation poorly.

That is very funny, better than finding her another girl and a cup!

Was that Justin Timberlake in that vid?

That Sucks
 

That sucks. The site will only allow access if you are in the USA. I also like the lathe idea. It may not replace the companionship that you get from a woman, but that machine will give you a lot of joy just learnikng how to use it. Men are proud of their TOOL:yipi:. If you want to go a little bit cheaper then just get another R/C vehicle and take out your frustrations on bashing with it. Like Hickoryhead eluded to women are never easy to figure out. Even when you think you have it all down, they change the game somehow. It is a great feeling when you find one who truly matches your good side.

Yeah thats Timberlake when he hosted SNL.

Finnster, you should write a book, this is gold. Maybe a good side job for you. I can think of a few different publishers that would print it.

Try this one Jerry: Click Here

Funny
 

Thanks man that worked, and the premise of the video was very funny. I think that this approach would only work if she was someone that you are very close with, or she is a hoe. :rofl::yes::gasp:

lots of advise here, wow i'm surprised.

my first suggestion would have been to say don't ask a bunch of guys that play with rc cars about girls............lol.

I agree, with the direct approach. Only i would talk to them together and make it a surprise (neither one knows till a few minutes before) then they can't plan and you get honest answers

On a side note, if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be and there will be a better opportunity down the road.

Yes, you are right, he should have hit up the flashlight lover's forum first...:rofl:

Well, he claims he isn't interested, just, being friendly. She's hasn't done anything with him, so I'm not really worried about that. Its just that he keeps trying. Its annoying if anything. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting or anything.

I already talked to her about and she said she also thought it would be a good idea to talk to him less. I just typed this on my iPod touch and it took me half an hour LOL. Back to class I suppose.

Set him up with her best friend and double date...

Sounds like a score for you. If he doesn't back off, it's probably time for you to distance yourself from him. The closer you remain to him, the angrier you will get, and the more likely you will do something regrettable.

Always remember that while revenge makes good comic books and movies, it is always very bad for real life.

Hey BP, are you and the lady going out? Like going steady? Or are you just dating each other (in an open situation, so that you can date multiple people)?

If you are an "item" or whatever the term for going steady is these days then you should let her know that you find his actions as suspect that he wants to go out with her. Sometimes women can be blind to men's advances, and she may just see what he is doing as a form of friendship. Most likely he is trying to get some alone time with her to "woo" her. It sounds like it to me, unless he is gay.

That's actually what we (her and I) did for prom. But instead of trying for her best friend, he still only asks her to do stuff.

Lincpimp, we are going steady right now, as far as I can tell. I've told her this and this is why she had agreed to kind of reduce the amount of contact with him.

Hope everything turns out

A little off-topic, but it's really kinda funny the thread topics you see here. Everything from dating advice to computer troubleshooting.... and even the occasional BL question. :smile:

Can we have a Dear Monster section! Pass the geek tech questions here!

Sounds like a good idea, you seem to have him under control. Enjoy the "fringe benefits"!

He is probably trying to interact with the only woman who he can have contact with outside of school- your girl. Judging by the actions he has displayed so far I say it is time to move on to another friend. In the mean time it sounds like you have an awesome girl to hang out with too. If he really just wanted to be friends, he would be cool with hanging out as a group too.

Yeah we got some interesting topics going hahaha...and as for whoever mentioned something about not asking a bunch of guys who play with RC's all day, I'll admit I'd never ask this on any other forum, but most of the people here are a step above the average guy.

But yeah, I'm not worried about anything anymore. I think right now, if anything, I'm just annoyed that he keeps trying. Like today we were hanging out and in that time frame of about 2 hours she got like 4-5 texts from him.

Lincpimp, what do you mean by fringe benefits?

We may "play" with R/Cs (although most of us don't do it all day), but the median age here is a little higher.

You kidding? Just knowing linc, you should be able to answer that one! :wink: :wink:

lExcellent thinking tashpop!


No lincpimp the flashlight forum is for lathe advice!:lol: Maybe SHE would like a lathe?!?!?:angel:

WOW some really sensible suggestions from all kinds of bods here- I must say violence as suggested by some is really NOT a good idea.:whistle: