(PLEASE).. Proof read and forward your comments back..
 

Hey guys with the successful completion of the first RCM 3rd world wheel chair,:party::party: it time to let the world know what we have accomplished and why!:yes:, Please read the following letter below and let me know how and or where it needs to be changed!.:whistle: I would deeply appreciate your time and thoughts as this letter (final version) will be sent to the local and national news agencies, to the UN and just about anyone else I’m able to reach out too.. :intello:

Thanks!.. (Big time thank you all!)..

Shaun…




To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from So-Cal and several other gentlemen from a RC website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest and most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence and I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster a website that specializes is converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly year there building extremely high-end and high dollar on of kind builds and gaining the respect and admiration of many others I decided it was time to utilize the team talents for the better of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can ban together with our talents and better the world (one person at a time) by giving them the gift of mobility. What great gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep, it’s light and it’s extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time

Sincerely yours Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team..

Looks good. Fixed a few spelling errors for ya. :smile:

Way cool... thank you SIR..

What about the over content (?) to long to short, not enough of this or that??

Did I / am I representing the MONSTER in way that does us / you proud??

To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from So-Cal and several other gentlemen from a RC website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest and most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence and I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster a website that specializes is converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly year there building extremely high-end and high dollar on of kind builds and gaining the respect and admiration of many others I decided it was time to utilize the team talents for the better of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world (one person at a time) by giving them the gift of mobility. What great gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep, it’s light and it’s extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time

Sincerely yours Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team

Found one error, higlighted it in red for ya!

Looks like a good letter Shaun!

Via email! ;)

I made a few changes. Hopefully it helps.

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from Southern California along with several other gentlemen from a Radio-Controlled Vehicle website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind: to build the coolest, cheapest and most reliable third world wheelchair in existence. I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. My name is Shaun (TDC57) and here is our story!

RC-Monster is a website that specializes in converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry and throughout the world.

After spending nearly a year at RC-Monster.com building extremely high-end and high dollar one of a kind builds while gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team talents for the betterment of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world, one person at a time, by giving them the gift of mobility. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone improved self esteem and the opportunity to better themselves?

This chair that we, the RC-Monster team, proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC. We chose the PVC for the construction due to the fact that it is readily available, cheap, light, extremely strong, and should last for many years. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 at Home Depot. The rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 per pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 each, and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83, not including the two – three hours of labor for assembly and spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot and head rests to best suit their individual needs. I have included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state that one individual has the power to change / better the world for others. Well we are those individuals and we sincerely hope this will change the world one person at a time.

Thank you for your time

Sincerely yours Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team

Thanks guys!! I really do appreciate you input!.. Does it need to be longer (?) shorter (?) should I add different content IE compare this to what it currently available ?? I feel it missing something I just don’t know what it is..

I really do deeply appreciate all of the different eye’s and your personnel time helping me..

And please feel free to tell I’m way off base!, I can take constructive criticism (just ask LInc) hahahahaaaaa..

Thanks again for your time everybody!..

P.S.
Kulangflow.. nice re-write.. thank you..

Also.. If you know of any non-profit agency i should contact to / for help get the word out I’ll take them as well..

Thanks again for your time..

for professional reasons I would change "that a gentleman from So-Cal" to "that a gentleman from Southern California"

"other gentlemen from a RC website" to "other gentlemen from a radio control website"

"reliable 3rd world wheel in existence" to "reliable 3rd world wheel chair in existence"


forget tis way......



I would make it read like this:


To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from southern California and several other gentlemen from a radio control website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest, and most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence. I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster a website that specializes is converting dirty, smelly, loud, and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the best and brightest individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly year there building extremely high-end and high dollar builds, and gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team talents to help better of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world one person at a time, by giving them the gift of mobility. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school, chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep, it’s light and it’s extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time


Sincerely yours,



Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team..





I adjusted some punctuation, changed ban together to band together and removed the ALL CAPS WORDS. as much as we like using them here they are not appropriate for a professional letter.

Feel free to tell me and my "professional" ideas to get bent..... but that is how I would word it.

To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from southern California and several other gentlemen from a radio control website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest, and most reliable 3rd world wheel(wheelchair) in existence. I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster (is) a website that specializes is(in) converting dirty, smelly, loud, and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the best and brightest individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly (a)year there building extremely high-end and high dollar builds, and gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team talents to help better of(of is unecessary) humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world one person at a time, by giving them the gift of mobility. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,( open ended, replace last comma with period and second to last with and)

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school, chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster(Rc-Monster's) latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do(due to) the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep,(it's cheap) it’s light and it’s(comma in place of "and it's") extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is(it) takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the(that) one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to(hope) this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time


Sincerely yours,

If you going for a professional letter, it's also better to spell out numbers less than ten, and use "inches" rather than " symbol, and keep abbreviations minimal. Also, try avoid using the word "that". Maybe it's a pet peeve, but you can usually substitute it with a better word, or omit it altogether.

This is my take - Appreciate the moster references but they arn't helping sell the idea and thats what is most important (also it was 6sigma all you)...

To Whom It May Concern:

Inspired by the OLPC initiative I’m writing you this letter to seek feedback and backing for a 3rd world wheel chair to provide a low cost solution and the gift of mobility to disabled people everywhere. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem and the ability to better themselves.

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ” James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well I believe that this project has the ability to make a difference to thousands.

The chair is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, chosen due to abundant availability, lightness and strength. The total material cost for the chair at full US retail cost was only $180 - $80 PVC, $80 wheels/tires, seat $19.00. In scale this chair could be produced for well under $100 and with under two – three hours of labor.

The chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suit their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing the complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me with a view to setting up a meeting on how we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Shaun P Bogel

^above^ copied and pasted from DickyT's post with corrections in bold.

Shaun-
I think it is of proper length and states any necessary information. Other chairs available/unavailable is incidental, I feel this letter will get your foot in the door and headed in the right direction.
When it comes down to it, this build is all you. I am astounded how humble you are, and honored that you would include us. Never before has such a motley crew of malcontents banded together for such a noble cause! (maybe?)
I'm at a place in life where I am asking a lot of questions, some of which don't have black or white answers, and seeing what you are doing for the benefit of others is very refreshing.
Good luck, sir!

paralyzed got everything I noticed in his post and then some. I agree with him.

are there pics of this chair?..is it mainly for of road or multi?

Good job with the letter Shaun but I think ARTC1K's version would be a better choice.

I thought using the term 3rd world was a no no these days. I thought it was developing nation.

http://www.rc-monster.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17214

anyone new- let's keep this thread uncluttered, i.e. no questions or chit-chat

any help is always appreciated

How is that???

Hey guys.. :angel:

I’ve had the opportunity to read thou the posts and absolutely need / want to send out a special THANK YOU! The following individuals!. :yes:

• BrianG
• Lincpimp
• Arct1k
• Kulangflow
• DickyT
• Paralyzed
• Dirt101
• Rabosi
• And last but certainly not LEAST Mr. Jerry2kone..

Thank you all for your time and comments, especially the ones who the time to re-write out our letter..:yipi: Thank you!.. You are all a true testament as to why RCM is (THE BEST DAM SITE ON THE WEB!) :intello: and the #1 reason why I’m more than happy to share the credit if and when our 3rd world chair is recognized.. Yes I build it but your tremendous support and giving of your time to ensure this project is a success is what really matters in the long run.. :wink:

To bottom line it out for you here's where I’m at: :whistle:
I contacted my uncle, he’s a senior partner in a huge law firm in San Francisco (I’m playing the family card! :lol:) anyway I forward to Jim both (Arct1k and Jerry’s) which is combination of DickT, paralyzed and kulangflow thoughts.. with Jerry's own special touch of course write ups..

Jim,
Promised me he would review the information and forward back his thoughts to me within the next 24-48 hrs. (Got to love family).. I also asked Jim to look into what insurances I'll need to pull this one off (I don’t want to be sued) so I may need to open up a corporation (:neutral:) I’m waiting for advise on that on..:eyes:

I'll repost the final version before it goes out the masses for your review and comments as this is our / the RCM monster team project and the RCM team deserves just as much credit as I do for building it..

THANK YOU ALL!...

GOD BLESS and have a great week gentlemen..:smile:

Shaun.

Lul.
 

Now that you have a kind of LUL in the action while waiting for legal advice, when do we move on to the BL version of the RCM wheelchair. That is when things should get really interesting. Just to think of the ideas that we can come up with for that boggles the mind. Then we can all see videos of you flying down the road out of control screeming out lincpimp's name for giving you spiked info on the ESC hookup. :rofl::lol::rofl: I for one cannot wait to see how that works out. The first two chairs seemed to go fairly easy for you considering what you started with. They both turned out pretty nice, but that challenge is over and way too easy for you to quit now. Just checking on your plans for the next phase Shaun. If we know you, you will not let the dust settle on things for long. :whip::yes:

I would contact the variety club. Maybe you could get a spot on the next telethon to promote the idea to a broad audience... a donated chair on the show would certainly be great advertising.

Hit the local library and get a book on writing winning proposals. It is more about writing for big grants and such for universities, but the principles apply to many fields. It has sure helped my business sense out.

I love the chair and will see what I can find for contact info/organizations on this side of the border to help out.

Deletes are in RED
Changes are in BLUE
Spelling is ORANGE

To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from Southern California and several other gentlemen from a RC website (rc-monster.com) banded together as a team with one common goal in mind. To build the coolest, cheapest, and (I'm sorry, but it sounds cheesy. Professionalism) most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence and I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!

RC-Monster a website that specializes in converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry/hobby and throughout the world. (Again, I know you love us, but it sounds cheesy. Professionalism) After spending nearly a year there building extremely high-end and high dollar one of kind projects and gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team's talents for a humanitarian project. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we surely wecan band together with our talents and better the world (one person at a time) by and give them the gift of mobility. What better gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, and to give them the opportunity to better themselves through mobility.

Disabled or physically challenged people are more likely than others to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are moved into the mainstream, it will be impossible to positively reduce poverty by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education.

James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

"According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and/or disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. " Well all this about to change with Rc-Monster's latest Project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 (do we need to know this?) PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it's cheap, it’s lite-weight, it’s extremely strong, and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly.

Break for text The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ Home Depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 a pair. The front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard Supply Hardware for $15 each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 U.S. dollars. This does not include the three hours in labor for each chair in order to construct and paint each one.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you will find this chair worthy enough to contact me for a meeting so that I/ (you will be meeting with more than one person, hence WE)we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. It has been said that one individual has the power to change/better (delete) the world for others, well we are those individuals and we are sincere in our belief that this wheelchair (so they don't forget the topic)may change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely, Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team..

(Hope this helps out some. I know that your heart is full of love for all the help that you have been given. But remember, we helped, this is YOUR project! You did this! (I am not saying leave us out of it, but use singular pronouns) Other than that, I submit these changes for your consideration)