Aussie justice- Funny if it weren't true
 

The Squirrel and The Grasshopper



REST OF THE WORLD VERSION



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


THE END






THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders,
for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice.

On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians' apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs.

Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers.

Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia 's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.

The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia .

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.



THE END

I love this one! I have seen the same basic story but done with US figures instead of the Aussie ones. We call the stuff here welfare........

Yep. In most circumstances, the lazy are allowed to become lazier because of all those "programs" the Gov. has in place. Of course, the rest of the working, tax paying, population has to pay for it.

We don't "have" to pay for it...

Keep that in mind.

Problem is that due to Gov't bullying a large number of us will have to stop paying all at the same time. Consider it like a mob, if one person kills another it is murder, if 5000 people are involved in a stoning, no one gets arrested.

Until we all decide that enough is enough it will continue to spiral out of control. We have almost gone too far, and alot of tears will be shed before this situation can be remedied.

Looks like it could apply to the US as well...

It's disturbing how a government can get away these sorts of thing and still line their pockets with money.

How does one NOT pay for it? Last I checked, I didn't exactly welcome the IRS taxing me...

Work cash-in-hand, so no money earnt as wages can be acurately estimated like it would be when paid directly into a bank account. Repeat a few million times over, and the government will have a hard tim trying to arrest half the population for tax evasion, thus forcing a review of how much they screw you guys over for. The same apllies over here really, particulaly about the 'asyslum seekers'. That said, I've seen so many indepth discussions for & against immigration and whatnot, I dunno what to think fot the best.... :neutral: Taxes are too high because the money gets squandered on pointless crap far too much, that much I know is true though.

It sounds like what you call "cash in hand", we call getting paid "under the table". That may work for some people (mostly handyman types, lawncare, etc), but what I do would be difficult.

It's not only the government. All rich, powerful people get away with it. They always have. It's generally the nature of creatures to be greedy. The more we have the more we want. The survival instinct is so strong that most of us don't know why we hoard........ or for that matter do most of the things we do.

True and true. Anyone been watching the news about Uk MPs recently? Expenses fiddling to line their own pockets, furnish their 2nd homes, clean their bloody motes?! Not all MPs are crooked though, just most of them...

Anyone here seen the movie V for Vendetta... any of you guys qualify to be V?

I really like the original post.

Yeah I own V on dvd its great!

Just convince at lest 1 million people to stop paying taxes as well. It would help if they are all in one area, makes it more difficult to individually pick up people if everyone knows whats up.

Or start your own religion, like the Amish, and make taxpaying one of the things God told you not to do.

Under the table works as well, but that is just skirting the system, I am looking to shake it up a bit, and get some reform. You can also burn down your local government subsidized housing, along with the welfare office. Also good to get some large businesses on your side too. And a few major firearms manufacturers, cause you know it will come to having to shoot some liberals to get your point across. And by liberals I mean anyone who thinks that we are going in the right direction at the present time...

I do like the OP, very funny. Shows how short sighted the gov't really is. We put them there to take care of roads and schools, not to give handouts and dictate (exactly what they do) what we can and cannot do.

I see this situation ending badly, and happening before I am dead, which sucks for me. It will most likely happen when I am older, and incapable of defending myself and my property. Damn socialists, they all need to burn...

I heard some where then the I.R.S is claims that hundreds of billions of dollars is owed by people in United stated.Also the unpayed taxes in California could have solve majority of the budget issue of the the states of california.
Here in Canada people pay atleast 30% income to income taxes & on top that theirs a good & services tax(6%) & then provincial taxes can range from 5% to 9% on goods & services
Kinda funny I paid $328 plus(Canadian money) for batteries & Had to pay $40 in taxes(GST & PST)

Taxes are a joke:

- I pay income taxes, both federal and state, on the money I make. And that's not including Medicare, FICA, etc. Yes, it is SUPPOSED to go to fund welfare and other gov't program that encourage laziness. And I like how the money is spent on road repairs; it's nice to see that the money is being well spent on some sweaty fat guy doing nothing but holding up a shovel (gotta make sure it doesn't fall down from lack of use). And the police are all but useless; all they do is bother people with the minor crap (taking radar and stopping people doing 5mph over) when there are real crimes being committed. And don't get me started on the schools! I pay for education for my son just to see how little he learns because 90% of the teacher's time is being spent on a few kids that are either too stupid to get the lesson, are disruptive, or don't understand English. Now, firemen are a different story; they actually work for their money.

- I pay taxes yearly on my house. I find the statement "why rent when you can own your own home" funny because you NEVER own your home since you have to pay taxes on it forever. Miss enough tax payments, you lose it no matter how paid off it is.

- I pay yearly taxes on my car. This is a LITTLE better than a house in that as long as you don't register it, you don't pay taxes on it. Kinda pointless to have a car and not drive it though.

- I pay taxes on almost everything I buy locally. Makes buying on the internet appealing, but then you pay shipping most of the time, so it washes out depending on the item.

- I pay taxes on the fee that non-network ATMs charge for withdrawing money. Now this I find more than irritating. I am being charged a fee, not receiving it, so why should I pay the tax? Shouldn't the company receiving the fee get taxed?

Pretty soon, I'll have to pay taxes on the taxes.

Hmm, unless waaaayyyy more than a relative minority to participate, that's not gonna work. Besides, with all the backwards thinking that goes on in the gov't, all that will happen is they will spend a billion dollars on law enforcement to round up and penalize the people to get their million dollars in taxes. :sarcastic:

If we eliminate (by any means necessary) people over 65yrs old, we can save 36% of the 2007 budget as an example (see chart). Not being a religious person myself, I find it interesting that people in a so called "christian nation" are so opposed to welfare. what would Jesus say indeed!

I'm not opposed to the idea of Welfare, just how it is implemented. People seem to make it a way of life instead of treating it as a temporary helping hand in a time of need. Similarly, Medicare/medicaid is abused as well. I know of at least 2 people (out of my generally small pool of people I know), one of them my scumbag father, who are considered "disabled" and collect benefits when they are MORE than capable of working - they just don't want to. Why should they work when the system gives them money?

"Clearing out" our old citizens is a bit over the top, even for me. But, Futurama has the right idea, provide "suicide booths" for people to use if they want to. :smile:

Never a truer word has been said

Or maybe like Logan's run. You can have everything your heart desires but you check out at 30yrs old. I do agree on the welfare issue. I have no tolerance for freeloaders. There are also many people out there who qualify for handouts but instead try to work things out on their own. This is how it should be I think.

I support the idea of state sanctioned sterilization...let's be honest, we've all seen 'people' (I use that term loosely) who breed like rabbits, creating giant welfare vacumms they (the 'people') would like us to call families. This type of pathalogical system abuse is hard to break on an intellectual level - so I say help 'em out and take thinking out of the equation!

me and the GF are sitting here really enjoying the read of this thread espically the futurama idea and the sterilazation, to awesome guys! keep it clean and on point its really good stuff.

Welfare abusers
 

I like to call them oxygen abusers.

I own a business in a rough part of town. I spend most of my money paying taxes. I'm looking across the street at a crack house with a bunch of addicts and their pregnant girlfriends living in it and yeah, they get welfare.


I'm glad it's not just in Canada.

You guys don't have to pay income tax, I have already said this in the other thread... what was i titled?

No F@#$% jokes guys... the IRS just uses bullying and intimidation tactics to make people pay up. :gasp:

RCM Revolution!

Quite poignant again tonight fellas and a big +1 to ZP again.

I think you know more too....

Only problem as stated already is putting it in motion, then again we have all too many recipients who are quite happy with their present situation, and honestly you can put facts in their faces and they will not hear.

Much as I want things to improve, I don't see it. Government is the #1 impediment to real progress in my mind.

Way too rooted in tradition to be of any logical use, NOT representative of it's citizens and wasteful to he point of breaking an entire world economy... not cool.

What thread is this you speak of? All I know is that my taxes are automatically taken out of my check every week. It's not like the gov't comes by on payday and I just deposit my cash out of the goodness of my heart...

The MA green series thread Brian, think it was in the Brushless forum.

You can request your employer not withhold, and better be willing to research the hell out of tax law and get ready to defend yourself legally....

Google "Ed & Elaine Brown"

you really gotta watch out for those fund sucking a-holes in wheelchairs. leaches is what they are. like a plague:neutral:

i don't think so Harold.....

But we could use some more public funds toward accessibilty, and less junk food for the mother of 11!

I'll add this, somehow, sometime it was branded into our minds that taxes = patriotic duty. You know the old saying, two sure things in life are death and taxes- no. There is only one sure thing, and it's not taxes.

Here is the problem- we were supposed to be GUARANTEED... need I repeat that..... NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION.

Do we see documentation of where every dollar is alotted? NO

Do we have say whether a new tax is implemented? NO

Do we become a stronger nation for it (this applies anywhere)

..... Do we have any direct representation?

NO!

I'm no Constitutional scholar- but this much I remember from grade school, and oh how Uncle Sam would love us to forget!

I can help support the firearms parts let me introduce my employeer:
http://www.gdls.com/

Oh yea thats some fire powa!

The us isn't too far behind on the income tax, I get taxed roughly 25%, and sales tax is 7.5%.

Not sure if sterilizing the undesirables and torching the elderly is a good place to start...

I think eduction is where the bulk of our efforts should be directed. 1st, start mandatory instruction at age 1, I don't care if it is coloring in a book, just make sure they keep it inside the lines. Make the kids have to meet expectations at a young age, prep them for the real world. And none of this 3 months off in the summer crap, make the little bastards learn all year round, I do not get 3 months off from work, and I pay for the little heathens...

And no more lowest common denominator teaching either. Force the dumb ones to learn, stream the kids into different classes to keep them on their toes, more rigorous teaching with lots of sarcasm and demeaning if they fail. You can only get to kids one way, and that is to mock them and push their buttons. Mommy and daddy pay for everything still so money is no object, and asking politely gets you no where fast. Bring back the paddle, and cure the badasses with some red-ass treatment. Public humiliation is a great way to make people better themselves. All this "there is no one winner" crap is unacceptable. Make the kids compete, and get them used to failing, as that is life.

I will personally round the child abuse activists up with some armored vehicles (courtesy of NoControl) and keep them away from the school while the new "discipline measures" are instituted). And we will teach kids to speak english (not slang, or spanglish or ebonics or whatever). Hold the future of our country to a high standard.

This will take a few years to get working correctly, and the benefits will take 20-30 years to be seen. Educated people do not get on welfare, or breed like rabbits, they know better. Someone needs to force feed this stuff to the kids, 24/7. Stop sheltering them and show them what welfare does, and give them comparisons to illustrate the facts.

2nd step is the passing of laws that make people responsible for their actions. No more stealing billions and having to resign. Oh no, you get to hand-dig interstates for the rest of your life. And if you are a politician and make a bad choice, you get to live with it. No pensions, no free mail, and no chance at ever having a government job, even cleaning bathrooms. Make screwing up financially crippling, and the "public servants" will start paying attention.

3rd step is cost analysis. Not too difficult to ask the question "can we afford this" after someone suggests buying Cambodia 5 million crock pots... Or whatever else we are doing to "help" other countries. If they have noting to give back in return, such as money or natural resources, screw them.

I think of those items were implemented we could see a rather radical change in 20-40 years...

Ahh the Victorian era...the three R's & good old fashioned kiddy whippin'. I'm getting all misty eyed...

I thought you guy's might appreciate the story. I got it in an e-mail from my sister. What has worsened the situation is the economy screwing the 'Y generation' who buy now-pay later.

I used to work with a fella that fit squarely into this catagory, was an interesting bloke but was mentally unstable.....and his missus....and his friends. His kids have no hope:no:

Sounds like some solid strategizing. I know the Republicans are looking for new leadership these days. Maybe you should trade in your paint gun and wear a tie?

I agree with everything except for what I have highlighted in red which I believe David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) would have something to say about. :whistle: :na: