[JERRY2KONE]

Some of you may remember that I just acquired custody of my kids after their mother passed away last year. Well I spent seven years fighting with her just trying to get to spend time with our kids, and they were very leary of me from the start. It was like adopting, because they really did not know who I was with all the lies that were told to them. Well we told them right from the start that there would be no beatings of any kind, and as long as they do what is expected of them, that there would be no yelling at them either. I work very hard trying to make sure that they understand exactly what it is that they need to do in order to stay out of trouble, and they are quite receptive. When I get angry with one of them I walk away and take a few minutes to calm down, before I approach them for a discussion about the issue at hand. I explain what the problem is and why they need to change their perception. My word is law in our home, and they will respect that. I really push respect for all adults and I am working on respect for everyone, including each other since they still have fights with one another. I have been explaining how their treatment of their little sister (10) will set her expectations for her adult life with other men, and they are now changing the way they relate to her. It is a full time job for sure, and you really have to care and put forthe the effort to make it happen.

We have been here one year now and things have really changed for them and our relationship is getting a whole lot better now. Just getting them to realize that they are not on the same level with adults was a challenge, but they have come a long way. They just spent 6 weeks with their grandparents and even they are amazed how differnet the behave now(pleased). I believe that the reason people beat their kids is because they do not know how to explain themselves to their kids. Raising kids is not an automatic God given gift. It is a self taught learning experience that one has to want to do well for their kids.