[lincpimp]

Well.... you need a gramar check. And you also need to delete some commas, lots of run ons. Yes this is gramatical (sp?) stuff but that may be the only thing that makes you stand out. An engineer needs to be a leader, and a good grasp of the english language is required. No one listens if you do not sound like you know what is going on! Not to say that you essay was crap, but I could remove at least half of it, retain the same points, and leave room for you to add what is necessary.

You did not really state your ambitions. This is important. Tell them you want to be a leader, that you want to fulfill your life by mastering your profession and applying it to ever facet of your life. I like the background info, but cut that back a bit. You need to focus on who you are, and what you are going to make out of yourself. You may not have any concrete goals (you are young, and goals are not really obvious) but you can always take a look into the future and dream. Goals and dreams are important, stress that too.

Now I am no english scholar, went to U for mech eng myself. But you have to stand out somehow, and I do not think that wearing a pimp costume to class will work for you (it did for me, not with the teachers, but the girls remembered me...)

Of course all of my advice is based on experinces I had 10yrs ago, and I did drop out of U to take over my dad's business. Left a full scholarship behind (room, board, books the whole deal) but I am doing better than anyone else that I know. I took a risk and it paid off, not without alot of hard work and hard times. Nothing is easy, but coming across mature and level headed will separate you from your peers, at least to whoever is reading these essays.

So your milage may vary. Keep in mind that this is a good exercise for you. Win or lose the experience will teach you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained....