[Finnster]

Linc: An Englishman in the Deep South. The one place in the country he could find where people have teeth worse than his.

and... his mamma is so fat, when she puts on skates she looks like a Pontiac.

Linc is so lazy, he rides her downhill to the grocery store to buy his 6-pack of Schlitz.

He's so poor he won't put change in her parking meter.

He's so dumb he tried to pay her parking tickets with food stamps, licked and stuck to the outside of the envelope.

On top of all that, she got booted, towed away and sat in the lot for a month.
His mamma's so ugly, a group of illegals thought she was a Cutlass Sierra, bought her and drove her back to Mexico.