[Bondonutz]

Subject: Good Salesman!
> > > A young guy
> > > from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof
> > > department store looking for a job.
> > >
> > > The Manager says, 'Do you have any
> > > sales experience?'
> > >
> > > The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin
> > > ..'
> > >
> > > Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start
> > > tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'
> > >
> > > His first
> > > day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
> > >
> > > After the store was
> > > locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you
> > > today?'
> > >
> > > The kid says, 'One.'
> > >
> > > The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales
> > > people average 20 to 30 customers a day.. How much was the sale for?'
> > >
> > > The
> > > kid says, '$101,237.65.'
> > >
> > > The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did
> > > you sell?'
> > >
> > > The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I
> > > sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a
> > > new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down
> > > the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the
> > > boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he
> > > didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive
> > > department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'
> > >
> > > The boss said 'A guy came
> > > in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'
> > >
> > > The kid
> > > said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude,
> > > your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'
> > >
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John's Chicken Farm
> >
> > John was in the egg business. He had several hundred young layers
> > (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters to fertilize them.. He kept
> > records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was
> > replaced.
> >
> > This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them
> > to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a
> > distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch
> > and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
> >
> > John's favorite rooster, Obama, was a very fine specimen, but this
> > morning he noticed Obama's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to
> > investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
> > bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run
> > for cover.
> >
> > To John's amazement, Obama had thought of a way to do it without work,
> > he had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a
> > pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
> >
> > John was so proud of Obama, he entered him in the Chicago County Fair
> > and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
> >
> > The result was the judges not only awarded Obama the No Bell Piece Prize
> > but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
> >
> > Clearly Obama was a politician. Who else but a politician could figure
> > out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by
> > being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when
> > they weren't paying attention.
> >
> > Vote carefully next fall, the bells are not always audible.
> >
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GHOST SEX

A professor at the Gonzaga University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks,
'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Damn, from way back there I thought you said Goats."