[Bondonutz]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home . What the...?)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)



A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

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Husband Store
> > >
> > > A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
> > >
> > > You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
> > >
> > >
> > > Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
> > >
> > > So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely
> > > Good Looking.
> > >
> > >
> > > 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
> > > >
> > > She goes to the fourth
> > > floor and the sign reads:
> > >
> > >
> > > Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help
> > > With Housework.
> > >
> > >
> > > 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
> > >
> > >
> > > Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
> > >
> > >
> > > Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework,
> > > and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
> > >
> > > Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
> > > Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)
> > >
> > > PLEASE NOTE:
> > >
> > > To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
> > > across the street.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > The first floor has wives that love sex.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
> > >
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THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!


WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet.. But when
they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch....

BONUS QUESTION:

Q: What is a man's ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection.. and breaking his nose!


Nominated as the world's best short joke..

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a
bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied.