[Bondonutz]

Subject: EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
>
> And a few more to get your morning laughing....
>
>
> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
>
> My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
> I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and
> began to take off her underwear.
> Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the
> wrong one.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
> San Francisco
>
>
> 2... At the beginning of my shift
>
> I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
> and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
>
> 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
> 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
> Seattle , WA
>
>
> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
>
> news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
> infarct.
>
> Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
> family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
>
>
> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up
>
> appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
> having trouble with one of his medications..
>
> ' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...
> The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
> out of places to put it !'
> I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
>
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
>
> Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
> one.
>
>
> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
> Norfolk, VA
>
>
> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
>
> I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
> After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
> ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
> Corvallis, OR
>
>
> 6. I was performing rounds at the
>
> hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So
> how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky
> Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.
> I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY
> Jelly.'
>
>
> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
> Detroit,
>
>
> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
>
> when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,
> sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . .
> It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she
> was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on
> the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
> green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'
>
> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
> patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
>
> Submitted by RN no name,
>
>
> AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . .
>
>
> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
>
> I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my
> embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>
> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
> laughing and further embarrassing me.
>
> I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
> 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
> She replied with tears running down
> her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
>
> 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .
> 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
>
>
> Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
>
> 1 MORE
>
> Baby's First Doctor Visit
>
> This made me laugh out loud.
> I hope it will give you a smile!
>
>
> A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
> doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
>
> The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a
> little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
>
> 'Breast-fed,' she replied..
> 'Well, strip down to your waist, 'the doctor ordered.
> She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
> for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
>
> Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
> underweight.
> You don't have any milk.'
>
> ' I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
> But, I'm glad I came.'
>