[scarletboa]

Originally Posted by lincpimp

Ok here is what you need:

- Lean bacon, one family sized packet, uncooked
- industrial sewing machine
- medium weight cotton thread (color does not matter)
- pumice hand cleaner (bacon is greasy)
- Tracked vehicle such as bulldozer or halftrack
- salad tongs
- rotessire chicken (for lunch)
- complete machinist measureing tool set, including dial caliper, magnetic mount, indicators, parallel bars, square, compass, and that little thingy that you use to measure the inside of circular objects)

1st, wrap the bacon around the mount, do not lick the bacon as it is uncooked. Do not cook the bacon as it will be crispy and may scratch the mount. Next use the sewing machine to sew edges and ends of bacon together ,using the cotton thread, making an impenetrable bacon shell around the mount.

Using the salad tongs place the bacon on the ground and drive over repeatedly with tracked vehicle. Solid ground is preferable. Then pick up the mount with the tongs, and use all of the machinist tools to determine if it is straight. If not, replace bacon and repeat as necessary.

Use pumice to clean hands to avoid Trichinosis from uncooked bacon. Enjoy chicken.

Hope this helps.

you forgot the toilet plunger and the gym sock (preferably a well used one)