[brainanator]

If you don't want to do wheelies, use a lighter weight fluid in the center diff. You can also turn down the "start up power" or "acceleration" or w/e your ESC calls it. (Castle calls it punch control).
As for the temperature, it's impossible for us to tell without a numerical value. "Warmer than ESC" tells us nothing really.
The rule of thumb you're talking about with the temps is:
hot motor, cool ESC = over geared
hot ESC, cool motor = undergeared
warm both = just right
(hope I got that right anyway)
Though that is a rule of thumb, does not apply for every case in every scenario.