(PLEASE).. Proof read and forward your comments back..

[TDC57]

Hey guys with the successful completion of the first RCM 3rd world wheel chair, it time to let the world know what we have accomplished and why!, Please read the following letter below and let me know how and or where it needs to be changed!. I would deeply appreciate your time and thoughts as this letter (final version) will be sent to the local and national news agencies, to the UN and just about anyone else I’m able to reach out too..

Thanks!.. (Big time thank you all!)..

Shaun…




To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from So-Cal and several other gentlemen from a RC website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest and most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence and I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster a website that specializes is converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly year there building extremely high-end and high dollar on of kind builds and gaining the respect and admiration of many others I decided it was time to utilize the team talents for the better of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can ban together with our talents and better the world (one person at a time) by giving them the gift of mobility. What great gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep, it’s light and it’s extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time

Sincerely yours Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team..

[BrianG]

Looks good. Fixed a few spelling errors for ya.

[TDC57]

Way cool... thank you SIR..

What about the over content (?) to long to short, not enough of this or that??

[TDC57]

Did I / am I representing the MONSTER in way that does us / you proud??

[lincpimp]

To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from So-Cal and several other gentlemen from a RC website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest and most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence and I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster a website that specializes is converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly year there building extremely high-end and high dollar on of kind builds and gaining the respect and admiration of many others I decided it was time to utilize the team talents for the better of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world (one person at a time) by giving them the gift of mobility. What great gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep, it’s light and it’s extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time

Sincerely yours Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team

Found one error, higlighted it in red for ya!

Looks like a good letter Shaun!

[Arct1k]

Via email! ;)

[kulangflow]

I made a few changes. Hopefully it helps.

To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from Southern California along with several other gentlemen from a Radio-Controlled Vehicle website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind: to build the coolest, cheapest and most reliable third world wheelchair in existence. I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. My name is Shaun (TDC57) and here is our story!

RC-Monster is a website that specializes in converting dirty, smelly and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the BEST and BRIGHTEST individuals within in the industry and throughout the world.

After spending nearly a year at RC-Monster.com building extremely high-end and high dollar one of a kind builds while gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team talents for the betterment of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world, one person at a time, by giving them the gift of mobility. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone improved self esteem and the opportunity to better themselves?

This chair that we, the RC-Monster team, proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC. We chose the PVC for the construction due to the fact that it is readily available, cheap, light, extremely strong, and should last for many years. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 at Home Depot. The rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 per pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 each, and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83, not including the two – three hours of labor for assembly and spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot and head rests to best suit their individual needs. I have included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state that one individual has the power to change / better the world for others. Well we are those individuals and we sincerely hope this will change the world one person at a time.

Thank you for your time

Sincerely yours Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team

[TDC57]

Thanks guys!! I really do appreciate you input!.. Does it need to be longer (?) shorter (?) should I add different content IE compare this to what it currently available ?? I feel it missing something I just don’t know what it is..

I really do deeply appreciate all of the different eye’s and your personnel time helping me..

And please feel free to tell I’m way off base!, I can take constructive criticism (just ask LInc) hahahahaaaaa..

Thanks again for your time everybody!..

P.S.
Kulangflow.. nice re-write.. thank you..

[TDC57]

Also.. If you know of any non-profit agency i should contact to / for help get the word out I’ll take them as well..

Thanks again for your time..

for professional reasons I would change "that a gentleman from So-Cal" to "that a gentleman from Southern California"

"other gentlemen from a RC website" to "other gentlemen from a radio control website"

"reliable 3rd world wheel in existence" to "reliable 3rd world wheel chair in existence"


forget tis way......



I would make it read like this:


To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from southern California and several other gentlemen from a radio control website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest, and most reliable 3rd world wheel in existence. I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster a website that specializes is converting dirty, smelly, loud, and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the best and brightest individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly year there building extremely high-end and high dollar builds, and gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team talents to help better of humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world one person at a time, by giving them the gift of mobility. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school, chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep, it’s light and it’s extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time


Sincerely yours,



Shaun P Bogel / RC-Monster team..





I adjusted some punctuation, changed ban together to band together and removed the ALL CAPS WORDS. as much as we like using them here they are not appropriate for a professional letter.

Feel free to tell me and my "professional" ideas to get bent..... but that is how I would word it.

[_paralyzed_]

To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing you this letter to inform you that a gentleman from southern California and several other gentlemen from a radio control website (rc-monster.com) banded together as one with one common goal in mind to build the coolest, cheapest, and most reliable 3rd world wheel(wheelchair) in existence. I believe we have successfully accomplished our mission. Hello my name is Shaun / TDC57 and here is our story!.

RC-Monster (is) a website that specializes is(in) converting dirty, smelly, loud, and ozone depleting Nitro fuel vehicles to clean, re-renewable electrical power. RC-Monster.com has a way of attracting the best and brightest individuals within in the industry and throughout the world. After spending nearly (a)year there building extremely high-end and high dollar builds, and gaining the respect and admiration of many others, I decided it was time to utilize the team talents to help better of(of is unecessary) humanity. If we can build the best of the best radio controlled vehicles, we can band together with our talents and better the world one person at a time, by giving them the gift of mobility. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem, to give someone the opportunity to better themselves,( open ended, replace last comma with period and second to last with and)

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ”
James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school, chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well this is all about to change with Rc-Monster(Rc-Monster's) latest project “X” build the TDC 001 special.

This chair that we the RC-Monster team proudly present to the world is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, we chose the PVC for the construction do(due to) the fact that it’s readily available, it cheep,(it's cheap) it’s light and it’s(comma in place of "and it's") extremely strong and should last for many years to come when constructed correctly. The main cost of material for the actual build itself totals $78.83 cents @ home depot, the rear wheels are mountain bike tires with an outer push rim that sells for $50.00 pair, the front wheels (6”x2”) casters were purchased at Orchard supply hardware for $15 dollars each and the seat chosen for the project cost $19.00 bringing the total cost of the chair (retail) to $177.83 cents (not including) the two – three hours of labor is(it) takes to put together the chair and or spray paint utilized on this project.

Our chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suite their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing our complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me back for a meeting so that I / we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world. Often people state the(that) one individual has the power to change / better the world for others, well we are those individuals and we sincerely to(hope) this will change the world one person at a time.



Thank you for your time


Sincerely yours,

[_paralyzed_]

^above^ copied and pasted from DickyT's post with corrections in bold.

Shaun-
I think it is of proper length and states any necessary information. Other chairs available/unavailable is incidental, I feel this letter will get your foot in the door and headed in the right direction.
When it comes down to it, this build is all you. I am astounded how humble you are, and honored that you would include us. Never before has such a motley crew of malcontents banded together for such a noble cause! (maybe?)
I'm at a place in life where I am asking a lot of questions, some of which don't have black or white answers, and seeing what you are doing for the benefit of others is very refreshing.
Good luck, sir!

[BrianG]

If you going for a professional letter, it's also better to spell out numbers less than ten, and use "inches" rather than " symbol, and keep abbreviations minimal. Also, try avoid using the word "that". Maybe it's a pet peeve, but you can usually substitute it with a better word, or omit it altogether.

[Arct1k]

This is my take - Appreciate the moster references but they arn't helping sell the idea and thats what is most important (also it was 6sigma all you)...

To Whom It May Concern:

Inspired by the OLPC initiative I’m writing you this letter to seek feedback and backing for a 3rd world wheel chair to provide a low cost solution and the gift of mobility to disabled people everywhere. What greater gift is there than the opportunity to give someone self esteem and the ability to better themselves.

“Disabled people are more likely than other people to live in grinding poverty. Unless disabled people are brought into the development mainstream, it will be impossible to cut poverty in half by 2015 or to give every girl and boy the chance to achieve a primary education. ” James D. Wolfsensohn, former President of the World Bank

According to the UN Economic and Social Council, there are 300 million people with disabilities in the developing world. Of these, 20 million need wheelchairs to become mobile again. Without chairs, many have no choice but to stay confined to their houses or drag themselves along to get anywhere, exposing themselves to potential injury and disease. Many children are unable to attend school. Chances for education, employment, and community involvement disappear. Under such conditions, they often end up either begging or relying on family members to support them. Well I believe that this project has the ability to make a difference to thousands.

The chair is constructed out of 1” schedule 40 PVC, chosen due to abundant availability, lightness and strength. The total material cost for the chair at full US retail cost was only $180 - $80 PVC, $80 wheels/tires, seat $19.00. In scale this chair could be produced for well under $100 and with under two – three hours of labor.

The chair can be shipped in a normal bike size cardboard box, and actually comes with the opportunity for the end user to customize the foot & head rests to best suit their individual needs. I’ve included pictures from the beginning to the end showing the complete process for your review and comments.

I hope you find this chair worthy enough to contact me with a view to setting up a meeting on how we may have the opportunity to introduce this chair to the world.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Shaun P Bogel

[dirt101]

paralyzed got everything I noticed in his post and then some. I agree with him.