Aussie justice- Funny if it weren't true

[pinkpanda3310]

The Squirrel and The Grasshopper



REST OF THE WORLD VERSION



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


THE END






THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders,
for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice.

On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians' apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs.

Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers.

Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia 's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.

The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia .

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.



THE END

[TexasSP]

I love this one! I have seen the same basic story but done with US figures instead of the Aussie ones. We call the stuff here welfare........

[What's_nitro?]

Yep. In most circumstances, the lazy are allowed to become lazier because of all those "programs" the Gov. has in place. Of course, the rest of the working, tax paying, population has to pay for it.

[lincpimp]

We don't "have" to pay for it...

Keep that in mind.

Problem is that due to Gov't bullying a large number of us will have to stop paying all at the same time. Consider it like a mob, if one person kills another it is murder, if 5000 people are involved in a stoning, no one gets arrested.

Until we all decide that enough is enough it will continue to spiral out of control. We have almost gone too far, and alot of tears will be shed before this situation can be remedied.

[BrianG]

Originally Posted by lincpimp

We don't "have" to pay for it...

Keep that in mind.

How does one NOT pay for it? Last I checked, I didn't exactly welcome the IRS taxing me...

[lincpimp]

Originally Posted by BrianG

How does one NOT pay for it? Last I checked, I didn't exactly welcome the IRS taxing me...

Just convince at lest 1 million people to stop paying taxes as well. It would help if they are all in one area, makes it more difficult to individually pick up people if everyone knows whats up.

Or start your own religion, like the Amish, and make taxpaying one of the things God told you not to do.

Under the table works as well, but that is just skirting the system, I am looking to shake it up a bit, and get some reform. You can also burn down your local government subsidized housing, along with the welfare office. Also good to get some large businesses on your side too. And a few major firearms manufacturers, cause you know it will come to having to shoot some liberals to get your point across. And by liberals I mean anyone who thinks that we are going in the right direction at the present time...

I do like the OP, very funny. Shows how short sighted the gov't really is. We put them there to take care of roads and schools, not to give handouts and dictate (exactly what they do) what we can and cannot do.

I see this situation ending badly, and happening before I am dead, which sucks for me. It will most likely happen when I am older, and incapable of defending myself and my property. Damn socialists, they all need to burn...

[BrianG]

Originally Posted by lincpimp

Just convince at lest 1 million people to stop paying taxes as well. It would help if they are all in one area, makes it more difficult to individually pick up people if everyone knows whats up.

Or start your own religion, like the Amish, and make taxpaying one of the things God told you not to do.

Under the table works as well, but that is just skirting the system, I am looking to shake it up a bit, and get some reform. You can also burn down your local government subsidized housing, along with the welfare office. Also good to get some large businesses on your side too. And a few major firearms manufacturers, cause you know it will come to having to shoot some liberals to get your point across. And by liberals I mean anyone who thinks that we are going in the right direction at the present time...

I do like the OP, very funny. Shows how short sighted the gov't really is. We put them there to take care of roads and schools, not to give handouts and dictate (exactly what they do) what we can and cannot do.

I see this situation ending badly, and happening before I am dead, which sucks for me. It will most likely happen when I am older, and incapable of defending myself and my property. Damn socialists, they all need to burn...

Hmm, unless waaaayyyy more than a relative minority to participate, that's not gonna work. Besides, with all the backwards thinking that goes on in the gov't, all that will happen is they will spend a billion dollars on law enforcement to round up and penalize the people to get their million dollars in taxes.

[NoControl]

Originally Posted by lincpimp

Just convince at lest 1 million people to stop paying taxes as well. It would help if they are all in one area, makes it more difficult to individually pick up people if everyone knows whats up.

Or start your own religion, like the Amish, and make taxpaying one of the things God told you not to do.

Under the table works as well, but that is just skirting the system, I am looking to shake it up a bit, and get some reform. You can also burn down your local government subsidized housing, along with the welfare office. Also good to get some large businesses on your side too. And a few major firearms manufacturers, cause you know it will come to having to shoot some liberals to get your point across. And by liberals I mean anyone who thinks that we are going in the right direction at the present time...

I do like the OP, very funny. Shows how short sighted the gov't really is. We put them there to take care of roads and schools, not to give handouts and dictate (exactly what they do) what we can and cannot do.

I see this situation ending badly, and happening before I am dead, which sucks for me. It will most likely happen when I am older, and incapable of defending myself and my property. Damn socialists, they all need to burn...

I can help support the firearms parts let me introduce my employeer:
http://www.gdls.com/

Oh yea thats some fire powa!

Originally Posted by Erevocanuck

I heard some where then the I.R.S is claims that hundreds of billions of dollars is owed by people in United stated.Also the unpayed taxes in California could have solve majority of the budget issue of the the states of california.
Here in Canada people pay atleast 30% income to income taxes & on top that theirs a good & services tax(6%) & then provincial taxes can range from 5% to 9% on goods & services
Kinda funny I paid $328 plus(Canadian money) for batteries & Had to pay $40 in taxes(GST & PST)

The us isn't too far behind on the income tax, I get taxed roughly 25%, and sales tax is 7.5%.

[BrianG]

Looks like it could apply to the US as well...

[Snipin_Willy]

It's disturbing how a government can get away these sorts of thing and still line their pockets with money.

[rabosi]

Originally Posted by Snipin_Willy

It's disturbing how a government can get away these sorts of thing and still line their pockets with money.

It's not only the government. All rich, powerful people get away with it. They always have. It's generally the nature of creatures to be greedy. The more we have the more we want. The survival instinct is so strong that most of us don't know why we hoard........ or for that matter do most of the things we do.

[suicideneil]

Work cash-in-hand, so no money earnt as wages can be acurately estimated like it would be when paid directly into a bank account. Repeat a few million times over, and the government will have a hard tim trying to arrest half the population for tax evasion, thus forcing a review of how much they screw you guys over for. The same apllies over here really, particulaly about the 'asyslum seekers'. That said, I've seen so many indepth discussions for & against immigration and whatnot, I dunno what to think fot the best.... Taxes are too high because the money gets squandered on pointless crap far too much, that much I know is true though.

[BrianG]

It sounds like what you call "cash in hand", we call getting paid "under the table". That may work for some people (mostly handyman types, lawncare, etc), but what I do would be difficult.

[suicideneil]

True and true. Anyone been watching the news about Uk MPs recently? Expenses fiddling to line their own pockets, furnish their 2nd homes, clean their bloody motes?! Not all MPs are crooked though, just most of them...

[jnev]

Anyone here seen the movie V for Vendetta... any of you guys qualify to be V?