Lets see some jokes

[nvtuning]

haha i lolled

greets nvt

[pinkpanda3310]

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded. 'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the f#ckin' skipping'.

[pinkpanda3310]

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the
door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running
around at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken a back.

"Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle
chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most
people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use
it for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all.

My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

[suicideneil]

[pinkpanda3310]

You got me Neil

[bumsnogger]

There was a chinese couple lay in bed,the guy farted,it stank so he blamed it on the dog.The wife says " Don't blame it on the dog,I cooked it perfectly :)

[rschoi_75]

[_paralyzed_]

man who stand on toilet high on pot

[suicideneil]

Hippo climbs out of the water; what happens next?...

[youtube]cJZLtpDpnLU[/youtube]

[bumsnogger]

That hippo sounds like a hpi baja :)
My girlfriend sent me shopping with £50,saying " get me something to make me beautiful". She wasn't impressed when I got back with a 24 pack of beer :)

[bumsnogger]

A wife takes her husband to a bar, She says she's got a special cocktail for him to try. It's made of 1 shot of baylies,1 shot of pure lime juice,& 1/2 a teaspoon of salt. The wife tells her husband" Hold the baylies in your mouth, pour in the lime,then pour in the salt. The husband pours in the baylies,then the lime,which instantly curdles the baylies,Then the salt. The husband manages to swallow the cocktail,Then says " Christ, what's that one called?" The wife replies " Blowjob revenge " :)

[RC toy]

ROFL

[mikesauto]

little red riding hood was on her way to grandma's house when she came upon the big bad wolf crouched down behind a tree " my, what big ears you have " suprised, the big bad wolf jumps up and runs away. A little further down the road, red runs into the wolf hiding behind a tree stump " my ,what big eyes you have " she says, and startled, the wolf jumps up and runs off. About half a mile from grandma' s red sees the wolf again, this time he's hiding behind a bush." My what big teeth....the wolf interupts red..." Hey lady, will you get the heck outta here, i'm trying to take a crap !

[Chadworkz]

Originally Posted by suicideneil

Hippo climbs out of the water; what happens next?...

[youtube]cJZLtpDpnLU[/youtube]

Man...my stomach cramped up I was laughing so hard!

[josh9mille]

If it's called a walkie talkie, How come a vacuum isn't called a Pushy sucky?