Lets see some jokes

[simplechamp]

One day God was looking down at the Earth, and was very upset at the current situation, with so much evil and sin in the world. He summoned one of his angels and said, "Go down to the Earth and tell me how many people are good, and how many are bad."

The angel went down, returned a short time later and said, "I have done what you have asked Father, and I discovered that 95% of people are bad, and only 5% are truly good people."

Very disappointed with the news God decided to send an email to all the good people with an extremely important message about his plans for the future.

And do you know what that email said????


















Really? No one knows? That sucks, I didn't get the email either...

[pinkpanda3310]

A precious little girl walks into a Pet-Smart store and asks,

in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,

Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,

"Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack rabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?'


She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a tiny quiet voice





'I don't think my python weally gives a thit'

[pinkpanda3310]

Gates vs. GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics...." (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash....... Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

Please feel free to share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!