Todays Joke of the Day

[squeeforever]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the Pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this
and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[jollyjumper]

hahahahahahahaha, that some funny stuff!:p

[Sylvester]

Good joke squee! That made me laugh for a good bit. I like 9) and 12) the most! :)

[squeeforever]

I like 9) and 12) the most!

6, 7, and 13 are pretty good as well.

[Sylvester]

Originally Posted by squeeforever

6, 7, and 13 are pretty good as well.

Agreed!

[BrianG]

That was pretty funny Squee!

[nbcaznmaster]

whose teh monsignor? Im not relegious at all.

[nbcaznmaster]

i like #9

[jnev]

Those are so funny. Thanks for posting squee.

[squeeforever]

No problem.

[BP-Revo]

lol 9 takes the cake.

[Mike.L]

that was funny! I love them all!

[suicideneil]

Very drole, as my teachers used to say whenever I made a wise crack. What is a monsignor? I'd post a few jokes but, um, my sense of humour is a little more.... risque shall we say. Very good squee.