Caleb's leaving.... - Page 2 - RC-Monster Forums

maxair45 · 08.19.2009, 09:56 PM

Kids aren't born that way their taught that way by their dad. Looks like you did a pretty good job there. Sorry to hear about him leaving.

TexasSP · 08.20.2009, 10:20 AM

^^^Damn Straight^^^

I have friends with kids that just don't seem to get that. They think my son even at 3 being polite and behaving is just a miracle of life and cannot seem to accept the fact that it takes time, patience, teaching, and a lot of effort to raise a child.

rabosi · 08.20.2009, 10:33 AM

I agree, but I do believe that there is a very small percentage of kids who are born with things not "wired" properly. Jeffery Darmer perhaps as an example.

_paralyzed_ · 08.20.2009, 01:02 PM

Thanks for all the kind words guys. I wish I had more of a part in raising him, he lives with his mom and she did an awesome job. I get all the gravy, but I absolutely support and follow everything she did to get him this far.

I didn't have Caleb anymore, so I needed to lean on some friends. Thanks for being here and the support everybody. Viva la RCM familia!

Gee · 08.21.2009, 11:55 PM

I cried like a baby when my daughter went off to school. Only the dogs saw me though. Hope this great get together you had with you son lead to them being more often.

jayjay283 · 08.22.2009, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabosi

I agree, but I do believe that there is a very small percentage of kids who are born with things not "wired" properly. Jeffery Darmer perhaps as an example.

I agree, it still goes back to the parents though, if you yell at a kid in (worse case scenario) a drunken rage he/she will walk around in a trance, bubble like state for days trying to rationalize it. Same with animals, you beat a dog (normal nice house dog not pitbull type dog) it wont ever trust you again. Kids need unconditional love and support and gentle guidance. Not saying an azzwhooping isn't necessary when they go over the line but as soon as you azzwhoop you forgive and hug them.. ?ya think

JERRY2KONE · **What to do??? -** 08.22.2009, 08:54 PM

Azzwhooopins are out. Look if you treat your kid with respect from the start and maintain a good relationship with them, there will be no reason for them to get out of control. Stay close with them and keep a good eye on everything they do, and they will not go over that line. I will not hit my kids, and I rarely raise my voice at them, but they know when I mean business because I spend a lot of time with them. Yes you are correct about recovering after you get angry though. If you get upset and scoled your kid you have to go back and explain what made you angry and help them understand why they cannot do the same thing again. Love is the biggest key. You have to let them know that you love them every step of the way so there is no confusion in their minds ever.

magman · 08.22.2009, 09:02 PM

I made a promise to my girl 3 yrs. ago to not raise my voice at her anymore. So far I haven't needed to. She knows when I change my tone I mean business. Since I made the promise to her, we have grown even closer. It is amazing if you explain to kids right and wrong, back it up w/love and affection the end reslult should be a well rounded kid.

JERRY2KONE · **Correct. -** 08.22.2009, 09:24 PM

Some of you may remember that I just acquired custody of my kids after their mother passed away last year. Well I spent seven years fighting with her just trying to get to spend time with our kids, and they were very leary of me from the start. It was like adopting, because they really did not know who I was with all the lies that were told to them. Well we told them right from the start that there would be no beatings of any kind, and as long as they do what is expected of them, that there would be no yelling at them either. I work very hard trying to make sure that they understand exactly what it is that they need to do in order to stay out of trouble, and they are quite receptive. When I get angry with one of them I walk away and take a few minutes to calm down, before I approach them for a discussion about the issue at hand. I explain what the problem is and why they need to change their perception. My word is law in our home, and they will respect that. I really push respect for all adults and I am working on respect for everyone, including each other since they still have fights with one another. I have been explaining how their treatment of their little sister (10) will set her expectations for her adult life with other men, and they are now changing the way they relate to her. It is a full time job for sure, and you really have to care and put forthe the effort to make it happen.

We have been here one year now and things have really changed for them and our relationship is getting a whole lot better now. Just getting them to realize that they are not on the same level with adults was a challenge, but they have come a long way. They just spent 6 weeks with their grandparents and even they are amazed how differnet the behave now(pleased). I believe that the reason people beat their kids is because they do not know how to explain themselves to their kids. Raising kids is not an automatic God given gift. It is a self taught learning experience that one has to want to do well for their kids.

jayjay283 · 08.22.2009, 09:32 PM

I hear what you guys are saying but not all falimilies are like that. I inherited 2 teenagers many years after their parents died. I didn't have a hand in raising them, they were dropped on my doorstep by a giant stork lol. they have their ways and means and its so hard to break them of this (stealing, smoking etc). Its depressing and pathetic. I was going to throw them out of my house but I took a roadtrip in my car (got the jetta going 142mph) debating to yank the wheel if you know what I mean. I saw a bunch of farm houses and thought about having no one and I don't want them to be like that. I am just unprepared for the hell god is putting me through LOL

magman · 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jayjay283

I hear what you guys are saying but not all falimilies are like that. I inherited 2 teenagers many years after their parents died. I didn't have a hand in raising them, they were dropped on my doorstep by a giant stork lol. they have their ways and means and its so hard to break them of this (stealing, smoking etc). Its depressing and pathetic. I was going to throw them out of my house but I took a roadtrip in my car (got the jetta going 142mph) debating to yank the wheel if you know what I mean. I saw a bunch of farm houses and thought about having no one and I don't want them to be like that. I am just unprepared for the hell god is putting me through LOL

He must have put them in your care for a reason....and not to torment you. Although it probably feels like it. Inheriting 2 teenagers at any time would be a monumental task. In your situation...wow....what a tough spot. Hang in there and hopefully things will work out for all of you.

jayjay283 · 08.22.2009, 10:53 PM

Thanks. Some day I better get a big ass bucket of good karma coming my way. Hasn't heppened yet or maybe I just don't recognize it. FYI my lady practices some weird santaria type crap being an islander and she has lit candles for you guys when I tell her about the troubles in your paths. Keep on keeping on right

magman · 08.22.2009, 10:59 PM

It is amazing to me than so many of us have had trouble recently of one form of another. What makes RCM special is that fact that so many here truly care for mankind.

JERRY2KONE · **Melting pot. -** 08.23.2009, 09:22 AM

Just another melting pot, right? Hey Jayjay believe me I know where your coming from. When my oldest son turned 18 his step-father threw him out and he came to visit me. Of course I had no idea he had been tossed out on his rear. It was a real nightmare, but also a blessing. A few weeks later my 16 year old daughter also decided she did not want to miss out on the fun, so she came to stay with me as well(for one year). Double trouble for sure. It took a lot of patients on my part, and a lot of one on one conversations to help them realize what they were doing wrong. There are two ways to approach things like this, and sometimes in combination works best. First you have to get them to see things from your side, which is never as easy as it sounds, but it is possible. Then you have to get them to want to make positive changes in themselves in order to improve their own lives. Of course they are so rebelious, and unconvinced up front, but when you lay things out for them to see just how different things can be, well believe me they want nothing less than the best life that can be given to them.

The real chore in all of this is getting them to see that it has to be achieved by their own two hands. That is where the truly enlightening experience lies. Both of them are now 25 & 22 and working their own way through college now, without our help. The best part is that they now see the light and respect us for our efforts and knowledge. No it is not an easy task, but if you are committed to the challenge you can make anything happen. Sometimes we need outside assistance as a communication buffer. What ever it takes.

You cannot expect any kind of repayment either by way of Karma or any other source. If it comes, it comes. God does not torture us, he challenges us. It is not in the failing or succeeding that we are defined. It is in the efforts of recovery that truly define who we are.

magman · 08.23.2009, 09:38 AM

Well said Jerry