Caleb's leaving....

[JERRY2KONE]

Time can be ones enamy and also your best friend. If our kids don't open their eyes while there is still time to make positive changes to their own way of thinking, then it will be a very rough road for you and for them. I watch all of these screwed up kids on Dr. Phil and Oprah, with the parents blaming their kids. It is the parents fault if they do not make the time and give the best effort possible to help them see what is out there for them. Yes there are some kids who just want to fight all the way into adulthood, but they are the ones who have to suffer for the lack of effort on their own part. As long as we try and do everything in our power to help them, well then we can sleep peacefully at night knowing that we did our best.

I am lucky because I now have a job that allows me to work out of our home. This gives me the time to be here for our kids every single day 24/7. I tell them every day that if they have any questions, that I am here to share whatever knowledge and/or experience I can with them. Our 13 year old was working with me yesterday. He wanted a second desk in his room so I cut out the wood and told him how to finish up the project. He began to ask me how I knew so many things, and how to do all of the stuff that I can do. It was an enlightening moment for both of us. I have been quietly working alone doing whatever needed to be done, and I told each of them that if they wanted to help out around the house that it was up to them. I don't force them to do anything outside of their own responsibilities. We do expect each ot them to follow the daily routine that we set for them. At first they were like man why do we have to wash my own dishes, and clean my rooms.

Every single morning (10, 12, & 13) they get up, make their beds, take a shower, get dressed, clean their rooms, make breakfast, and clean up after themselves before they can go out and do anything else. Each of them now has a chore to accomplish each week to earn an allowance, and I do not except partial work either. If they do not do everything they are expected to do, no payment that week. It really hurt to say no a few times, but it pays off in the long run. I explained it this way. If you hired someone in your own home to do something and they only did half of the work or a half azz job, would you want to pay them? I use simple comparible analligies to raise thier own thinking. Besides their chores they each have one day every week to do their own laundry and put their clothes away. It has been a year but they now do this without any fighting or whining. They now see that if they are more cooperative, that we are more cooperative and giving to them. Checks and balances. One way communications are great once you have established the rules and guidlines, but you have to explain everything in detail for them in order for them to know exactly what is expected of them.

I also have one other ace in the hole. I was a bootcamp drill instructor for nearly 6 years (1990-1996)during my 20 years in the US Navy. I learned how to change young men and women who were so called set in their ways and unrecoverable. Believe me everyone wants to be a better person, but some just don't believe that they can do any better, or that they do not deserve any support. You have to take charge and whip them into shape. (without the whipping though). Never directly insult them by calling them names. You have to use positive psycology if you want the right results. Get them to work with you not for or against you. You have to convince them that your way is the better way, and that they will reap the rewards for cooperation in the long run. Trust me these are the kinds of efforts that work time and time again. I trained over 1000 recruits during my time, and I was rewarded over and over again watching them succeed in acquiring their goals. I hope this helps you see that there is always hope. And thank you Harold for opening the door on this conversation. Whatever has been done in order to get your son to this point you have helped him see that it is worth it by your emotions about his behavior. Love does not always have to be a factor, but it helps.