Lets see some jokes

[lincpimp]

Originally Posted by suicideneil

Skip to 1:10 for the lolz.

Damn pikeys...

[nvtuning]

Originally Posted by rawfuls

Makes me wanna know how they got it in there..
(TWSS?)

just the opposit from driving it out :p

greets nvt

[Bondonutz]

[josh9mille]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Apair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says "ill serve you, but dont you go starting anything"

[bryan]

Originally Posted by Bondonutz

Bondo placed his goody there.sikko

[lincpimp]

Originally Posted by Bondonutz

Sad, I can not imagine how pissed and distraght you must have been to find out that your gay lover was into chics... But best to find it out now, while you are still young and have your looks, who wants a wrinkled old pud muncher? Besides Harold...

[georgec]

[pinkpanda3310]

HELL EXPLAINED
BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[Bondonutz]

@JAMES

Your box would be over your mouth with a sign reading "Free gentle and soothing prostrate Exams"

Directions; Place anus over hole, probe will will be wet and warm so don't jump,proceedure is over when patient has a release.
Tips are excepted, but DNA is prize enough.

[georgec]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected on this subject.

[georgec]

Will Rogers was quite the cowboy, with all the wisdom of simple, honest folk. His words still ring with common sense today...

Simple but Brilliant
and full of truths! Enjoy!
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has
known.
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it
back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING
OLDER...
First
~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second
~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third
~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth
~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.
Fifth
~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or
leaks.
Sixth
~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh
~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth
~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth
~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth
~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally
~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

[georgec]

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... "Will you marry me?"?

The Princess said, "NO!"?

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and went fishing and hunting and played with RC cars
and dated women half his age and
had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end

[pinkpanda3310]

Originally Posted by georgec

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... "Will you marry me?"?

The Princess said, "NO!"?

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and went fishing and hunting and played with RC cars
and dated women half his age and
had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end

You know that's not even funny



Not from this side of the fence anyway

[georgec]

A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him
after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most
intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most
handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy,seductive,and invincible.......

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of beer.
That's what beer does...
Never mind....

[suicideneil]

Amen^.

Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side....