Darwin Awards

[Procharged5.0]

You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to
the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen... the candidates this year are ..
****************************************

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
to retrieve his car keys.
****************************************

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
*****************************************

Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
**********************************************

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.
**************************************************
Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he
won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
*******************************************

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington,
DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of
a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing
in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3 To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced
a hold-up,and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by
several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also
fired.

The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in
the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
************************************************

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
***********************************************

RUNNER UP: TACOMA, WA.
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge

at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no
other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
************************************************** ***********
AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Sh-t happens

[BrianG]

Makes you wonder how they survived as long as they did without hurting themselves before then...

[Procharged5.0]

No doubt!

[crazyjr]

My favorite winner was a few years ago; A guy bought a winnebago, while driving home he set the cruise and got up to make coffee. The winnebago went off the road and he was the only injury. In the lawsuit he said there was nothing in the owners manual about not getting up while cruise control was set, He won $150,000, hospital bills paid and a new winnebago. the winnebago owners manual's now have the requierd statement that you can't get up when cruise is set

[BrianG]

Crap like that makes me mad. :mad:1 :mad:1

If someone is dumb enough to set the cruise, get up a walk away, get in an accident, and then have the audacity to sue, they deserve to get sued in turn and ordered to pay all the various laywers and a retard fee to the courts for wasting their time. And then take their license away since they are obviously too dumb to be driving a potentially lethal machine.

[glassdoctor]

The death-by-flashlight one sounds horrible, lol.....

Not sure I believe the elephant crap one????

[gixxer]

you have got to love these.

[Procharged5.0]

IDIOTS OF 2006

NUMBER ONE IDIOT of 2006:

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control
center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful
and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that
she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
************************************************** ********************
NUMBER TWO IDIOT of 2006:

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the
plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they
noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated
when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
************************************************** ****************************
NUMBER THREE IDIOT of 2006:

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all yur muny in this bag." While standing
in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors,
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK"
and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
************************************************** ******
NUMBER FOUR IDIOT of 2006:

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail,
a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time, of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40.

Smartbutt. But you still get a sign.
************************************************** ***************
NUMBER FIVE IDIOT of 2006:

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told
the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The
clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
************************************************** *********
IDIOT NUMBER SIX of 2006:

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
************************************************** **********************
IDIOT NUMBER SEVEN of 2006:

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems
the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was caught
on videotape. Yep, here's your sign.

[squeeforever]

Damn...I think 3, 4, and 5 have got to be the funniest...

[HotnCold]

That speeding ticket one sounds like something i might do - LOL That was too funny...

[Procharged5.0]

Originally Posted by BrianG

Crap like that makes me mad. :mad:1 :mad:1

If someone is dumb enough to set the cruise, get up a walk away, get in an accident, and then have the audacity to sue, they deserve to get sued in turn and ordered to pay all the various laywers and a retard fee to the courts for wasting their time. And then take their license away since they are obviously too dumb to be driving a potentially lethal machine.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY AGREE!